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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in loyalleah's LiveJournal:

    Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
    11:25 pm
    I'm Okay :D
    Really.  I'm okay now.  I'm okay, and things will be okay.  No matter what happens to me..... I'll be okay.

    I love you all!!

    Even those who don't read my LJ :P

    Current Mood: giddy
    Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
    8:08 pm
    Not a quitter?
    No one, not one person can call me a quitter. Call me a quitter and you may be casterated.

    If you don't work for what you want, you'll never get there. You can't sit around and expect something to happen. Get up, and go.

    "Life deals you the cards, it's what you DO with them is what counts" -Velda C.

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: MCR-Teenagers
    Sunday, September 3rd, 2006
    11:48 pm
    Dear god.
    Jen told me it was good to write. So, here I am. Writing. Feeling lost, confused, empty. I want to know why god, or whoever the hell up there, is taking the people I love away from me. First, it was my grandpa, and then Greg dies. Why Greg? I loved Greg, a lot. He was like someone who I could turn to when I needed help, someone to spend time with, go out to lunches, go to Java and have a cup of whatever we wanted. Someone I always looked so forward to seeing, and I always missed him. He gave the greatest hugs, and he called me his sweetheart.

    Background info: Well, my friend Jess got me a job babysitting for this lady, Joanell, and she had an ex husband (Greg), I met him through Jess also, Greg was like a father to Jess, she was closer to him then I was. I was friends with Joanell's son, who was my age (Nick). Greg was an alcoholic.

    I just want to feel ok again. I havn't since I found out about my grandpa, and I feel worse now. At times I feel like everything is almost normal, I'm laughing, I'm having fun, dancing, singing, but it isn't the same anymore. It isn't with the carefree ways it used to be. Maybe nothing will be the same anymore? I feel old, and you all know, that is NOT normal for a 16 year old.. lol.

    I want the pain to stop, everytime I stop doing something, my mind goes right back to him. Right back to the last time I saw him, god was I happy he was there. It was Jess' birthday party.. he was sitting across from me, we talked A LOT.

    This is going to be so hard. Jess went away to Ottawa this summer, I think she gets back today. She has no idea what's happened. I know I am going to have to be there for her, I am so scared for her. He was seriously like her father, I need to be there for her.. I just need to be.

    All I want to do is go to my room, and listen to sad songs all the time, but I know I have to keep going. Do I want to? No. Am I going to anyways? Yes. I just have no idea what to do with myself. God I miss him so much. The pain just ripples through me. I've become so numb..

    I need to find out more information, if he was drunk when he fell down the stairs, what time it was, how long ago (I found out yesturday). All I know is, that he fell down the stairs, hit his head, ands struggled. They found him underneath the furnace. Joanell said he suffered. I hate that word.. suffered. He was in pain, jesus he died in pain. God I wish I could have saved him, I wish I could have helped him. God, please make this go away.

    I guess I need to start to concentrate on school, on my work, on everything but this. God, the funeral... oh god. I can't even think about that now. I'll definatly be going with Jess, of course. I feel so horrible for her, I need to be there for her. God.

    I need sleep.. lol.

    Current Mood: blah
    Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
    6:34 pm
    Ring ring?
    I'm so borrreeeeeeeddddddddddd!!
    School starts in.. 20 days.
    I'm getting excited now.
    I can't wait to see my friends.
    Lizzie comes home today.
    Thank god.
    I was so scared for her..
    I hope she got home safely.. :D

    Current Mood: happy
    Friday, May 5th, 2006
    4:29 pm
    And.. another one!
    This week has been insane!!! It's been totally crazy, but good at the same time.. weird huh?

    Well the week started off Pretty good.. but then Thursday after choir, my favorite teacher, the music instructor called every person in the band program to come to his room. This was VERY odd considering we have never done that before. He decides to tell us something that isn't very nice at all. He is leaving for a year to take his Master's degree in educational teaching.. or something like that. Well me and my friend Lizzie.. well we adore Mr.Bill, he's an AMAZING guy, he's my favorite teacher by far. We were completely shocked, but we realized something. He had been leading us up to it.. he had begun to compliment us a lot more, and he started joking around about him "retiring" even though he's only 42, he also kept telling us that everyone is replacable.

    We seem to dissagree. We left the band room, and when everyone had left, me and Lizzie had a good little cry. We know it will only be for a year, but it's going to be so tough without him, I will not be in band next year, that's for sure. I am staying in choir only because I love to sing. He keeps telling us that everyone is replacable.. and well.. he's not. Some people are replacable.. along with my friends, he isn't. Nothing will be the same without him. And every 2 years we got on a "Big Tour". Last year we went on our big tour to Seattle, and next year is big tour. I asked him if we could post-pone it until he got back, because it wouldn't be the same without him. He just laughed at me, I don't think he knows that he is my favorite teacher.

    That's also probobly because of the fact that we sit there in class and throw insults at each other.. and ussually he wins. I shall get him one day.. *shakes fist* I will get him!!

    But everything else so far is gooders.. me and Lizzie are getting closer (I didn't think we could get closer, but now.. we are finishing each other's sentances more then we were before!). And School is going great, I am getting good marks (except I went down 4% in math.. I need to get that back..).

    Time for me to go now.. Buh Biez!!

    Current Mood: giggly
    Current Music: Jason Mraz
    4:24 pm
    It has been a LONG time since I posted.. so I figured that I should post today. I mean, I have time too. A lot has happened to me, it's been BRILLIANT!!

    Last month.. I went to Vegas and met the most amazing people in the world. I met my best friends Jen and Dru, and CLM. They I swear and the nicest/funniest people in the world!! I also met the man I have been idolizing for almost 8 months.. Criss Angel. He was amazing, and the nicest guy in the world.. and he had a good sence of humour! We met almost everyone on the crew too, His brother JD and Costa whom we talked to for a very long time (mostly Costa) and they were all nice. We also met Dexter and Banachek *SQUEEEEEE* And they are both awesome. Dexter was amazing to talk to, and REALLY funny. Banachek got HAWT man!! We also met the Lovely Jennifer Peterson, who was incredible, and extremely busy for that matter. We also met the MindFreak Method man.. and the amazing Erich! Who gave us his personal card.. which was stupid because I am tempted to call his cell. We watched the stunt (actually me and Renae missed it because we were talking.. haha!) and did the Meet and Greet. I got a couple hugs, a kiss, he signed a peice of paper and my DVD, and me and Jen got a kissy picture! YAY! Oh, and he said if I stopped watching he would come to Canada and spank me.. I have the biggest urge to stop watching..

    That night in the hotel room was AMAZING! We had so much fun and I got closer with them. We have this brilliant food fight.. and Jen got me and CLM REALLY well!! I mean it was all over our faces... and she had me running away from her both times she tried to get me! The first time she ran me to a corner.. and the second time she had me in a bathtub! That's where it got kinky!! haha, Kidding!! Me and Dru stayed up till like.. 1am.. and Jen and Laura had crashed before us. It was really fun.. except getting up at 6am so they could catch their flight home haha.

    Me and my mom spent that day wandering around, we checked out "Sigfried and Roy's secret garden* it was beautiful. They had everything there, from bottlenose dolphins, to white lions. It was amazing. We got to the airport by about.. 7 and the plane came late, so we left at about 9:45.. that was a nice wait. We got home at about.. 1:00 am, and by the time we actually left the airport it was around 2-ish and we finally got home at about 3:15. I slept for 3 hours before I had to wake up again.. that was amazing.

    Considering this was almost 2 months ago.. yes I am VERY late with my update.. hope ya'll are please though :P

    Current Mood: chipper
    Current Music: The Slytherindors
    Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
    8:38 pm
    A letter I wrote in Class...
    Bret,
    You first (he told me to go die). At least I dont go around fucking my ex's and lying to the people that care about me, you son of a bitch! Your a coward, and I see right fucking through you. Your scared and you know it! Your the one that needs to die for what you did to Danielle. Who the hell gave you right right to control everyone? She gave you her heart, and you took advantage of her. You gave her back her heart in a million peices. I hope someone does it to you, so you know what it feels like. I hope I am there to fucking watch you when you cry. I hope your karma gets you.. it's been building up for a while. It's bad enough what you did to me, and now you have to go and hurt her too. You get with the girls, get what you want from them, and leave them, like they are trash you can throw away. I hope one day every girl who looks at you, see's the trash that YOU really are.

    Have a nice life, you've wrecked hers.

    Current Mood: infuriated
    Sunday, February 26th, 2006
    6:19 am
    Toothpicks.
    I was playing with toothpicks (dont ask) and I came to a conclusion. A toothpick is like a heart, it may break, and it may mend, but no matter what it will never go back together the same way. The more it breaks the harder to fix it gets. Eventually it is broken beyond repair and it will never be the same way again..

    That's my little.. interesting learn for the day.. it is now 6:23am and I have not slept yet.. I really need sleep.





    yup.. definatly need sleep

    Current Mood: chipper
    Current Music: Because of you - Kelly Clarkson
    Friday, February 24th, 2006
    8:44 pm
    ...... Maureen?
    Maureen
    You are Maureen! Drama queen extraordinaire, but

    you're completely hot. You attract men and

    women, but it's not your fault they all want

    you!


    Which RENT character are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    do I REALLY seem like Maureen??

    Current Mood: happy
    Current Music: Bruce Springstein
    3:17 pm
    These are cool..
    Enneagram
    free enneagram test


    Current Mood: cheerful
    Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
    11:45 pm
    ummmmmmmmmmm hi everyone *waves*
    Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
    5:56 pm
    Blah-face
    Well.. today was uneventful. I stayed home sick.. woke up at 3 in the afternoon, and relaxed. Stupid flu that's going around.. eff! Oh better news, it's one of my friends birthday today.. Yay! happy B-Day D.D!!
    *yawn* well that's it for today.. I am whipped.. gonna go blab now! Ciao All!

    Current Mood: crappy
    Saturday, January 7th, 2006
    8:53 pm
    Urg!
    Suck it up princess, I am sick of this bull shit that your saying to us. If you want to say something, say it!

    On a happier note, I just spent the night at a friends house, it was so good talking until the wee hours of the morning about our deepest darkest thoughts..

    Ever feel confused about yourself? Not the most reasurring feeling ever. How do you know when you've found something that you never thought you'd ever feel? Ugg confusing-ness!

    Current Mood: weird
    Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
    5:34 pm
    Good to be back and ramble
    As much as I was dreading going back to school today it went well. I found out I didnt miss like anything when I was in mexico, and the stuff I missed I already had and had already gotten done, so this makes life easier. I still have 2 major projects in social, and I have to worry about exams in 2 weeks.. I am more worried about my science one.. I am really gonna have to go through my text book and notes for that.

    It was great seeing Biz, she's been in England the whole time for Vacation so I havn't seen here in like 3 weeks, it was great to catch up, it was like we have never been apart, I am so glad I have her to talk to again. It is getting to be good to see my friends everyday, I am getting along better with most people (those who dont make me want to kill them anyways).

    It's definatly been a good year to start off with. It's my brother's birthday tomorrow and I am gonna get him Great Big Sea tickets for him and his girlfriend (or whoever he wants to take). I think it's a good idea, he should like it a lot, he loves them.

    I am SO glad Lane (bro-17 tomorrow) knows how to pick his girlfriends. Dustin (gonna be 20 on the 19th) has the biggest bitch in the world for a girlfriend. Like I cannot even begin to explain how horrible she is. She is MEAN, I mean before they liked each other, they were enemies, he used to come home with scratches, bleeding, anything because of her! I mean, yeah... that's gonna end up being a good relationship. I mean She FOUGHT with him because we went to Mexico and she didnt come! I mean I just dont understand her. She came camping with us over the summer, oh btw, she's deaf, and dustin is hard of hearing. But she is spoiled, and rotten. When we were camping, I was in a paddle boat with my friends, and they came by in a kiyak, and she didnt want to get wet, and neither did my brother, so I started to rock their boat, and her finger got caught on something and gave her a blood blister. So I opologized again and again, and she just nodded her head and kept telling my brother to tell me that it was broken. Ok you couldnt even SEE the blood blister.

    Ok enough of me rambling on and on about the biggest bitch in the world.

    Current Mood: pissed off
    Current Music: Redneck Woman - Gretchen Wilson
    Saturday, December 24th, 2005
    11:14 pm
    Mark the things that are true, be TOTALLY honest

    Appearance

    [X] I am shorter than 5'6''.
    [x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
    [x] I have many scars.
    [x] I tan easily.
    [x] I wish my hair was a different color.
    [x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
    [ ] I have a tattoo.
    [x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
    [ ] I've had/have braces.
    [x] wear glasses.
    [x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
    [X] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
    [x] I have more than 2 piercings.
    [x] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
    [ ] I have freckles.
    [x] I want to get piercings or tattoos or both

    Family/Home Life

    [X] I've sworn at my parents.
    [x]I've run away from home.
    [ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
    [ ]My biological parents are together.
    [ ]I have a sibling less than one year old.
    [X] I want to have kids someday.
    [ ] I've had children.
    [ ] I've lost a child.
    [ ]I dont get along with most of my family.

    School/Work

    [X] I'm in school.
    [ ]I have a job.
    [X] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
    [ ] I almost always do my homework.
    [X] I've missed a week or more of school.
    [ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
    [ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
    [ ] I've stolen something from my job
    [ ] I've been fired.
    [x]I get good grades


    Embarrassment

    [ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
    [x] Disney movies still make me cry.
    [x] I've peed from laughing.
    [X ] I've snorted while laughing.
    [X] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
    [x] I've glued my hand to something
    [x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
    [x] I've had my pants rip/drop in public
    [x]Ive been pooped on by a bird in public

    Health

    [ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
    [ ] I've gotten stitches.
    [ ] I've broken a bone.
    [ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
    [X] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
    [ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
    [ ] I had a serious surgery.
    [X] I've had chicken pox.
    [x] I get sick alot


    Traveling

    [x]I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
    [x] I've been on a plane.
    [x] I've been to Canada.
    [x] I've been to USA
    [x] I've been to Mexico.
    [ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
    [ ] I've been to Japan.
    [ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
    [ ] I've been to Europe.
    [ ] I've been to Africa.
    [x]I want to travel the world


    Experiences

    [X ] I've gotten lost in my city.
    [X] I've seen a shooting star.
    [X] I've wished on a shooting star.
    [x] I've seen a meteor shower.
    [X] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
    [X] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
    [X] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
    [x] I've been to a casino.
    [ ] I've been skydiving.
    [x] I've gone skinny dipping.
    [x] I've played spin the bottle.
    [ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
    [ ] I've crashed a car.
    [ ] I've been Skiing
    [x] I've been in a play.
    [X] I've met someone in person from the internet.
    [x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
    [x] I've seen the Northern Lights.
    [x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
    [ ] I've played chicken.
    [X] I've played a prank on someone.
    [x] I've ridden in a taxi.
    [ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
    [ ] I've eaten Sushi.
    [x] I've been snowboarding.
    [x]I've jumped on a trampoline

    Relationships

    [ ] I'm single
    [x] I'm in a relationship.
    [ ] I'm engaged.
    [ ] I'm married.
    [ ] I've gone on a blind date.
    [ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
    [X] I miss someone right now.
    [ ] I have a fear of abandonment.
    [ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
    [ ] I've gotten divorced
    [X] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
    [x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
    [X] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
    [x] I've kept something from a past relationship.
    []I sleep around.


    Sexuality

    [ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex
    [x] I've had a crush on a teacher
    [x] I am a cuddler.
    [ ]I've been kissed in the rain.
    [ ] I've hugged a stranger.
    [ ] I have kissed a stranger.
    [ ]I have asked a person I didnt know out.


    Honesty/Crime

    [x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
    [ ] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
    [ ] I've snuck out of my house.
    [X] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
    [x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
    [X] I've cheated while playing a game.
    [x]I've cheated on a test.
    [x] I've run a red light.
    [ ] I've been suspended from school.
    [x] I've witnessed a crime.
    [ ] I've been in a fist fight.
    [ ] I've been arrested.
    [ ] I've shoplifted.
    [ ]I've attempted to kill someone.

    Drugs/Alcohol

    [x] I've consumed alcohol.
    [ ] I regularly drink.
    [ ] I've passed out from drinking.
    [ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
    [ ] I've smoked weed
    [ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
    [ ] I've eaten shrooms.
    [ ] I've popped E.
    [ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
    [ ] I've done hard drugs.
    [ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
    [ ] I can't swallow pills.
    [ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time, no problem.
    [ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
    [ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
    [ ] I take anti-depressants.
    [ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
    [x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
    [x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
    [ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
    [x] I've woken up crying.
    [ ]I make people cry.

    Death and Suicide

    [ ] I'm afraid of dying.
    [ ] I hate funerals.
    [ ] I've seen someone dying.
    [x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
    [ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
    [ ] I've planned my own suicide.
    [ ] I've attempted suicide.
    [ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.
    [ ] I've never been to a funeral.


    Materialism

    [ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
    [ ] I own iPod or MP3 player.
    [ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
    [ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
    [X] I own something from Hot Topic.
    [ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
    [ ] I collect comic books.
    [ ] I own something from The Gap.
    [ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
    [ ] I own something from American Eagle.
    [ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
    [ ]I own something from Spencers
    Random

    [x ] I can sing well.
    [ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
    [ ] I open up to others easily.
    [x] I watch the news.
    [ ] I don't kill bugs.
    [x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
    [X] I curse regularly.
    [X] I sing in the shower.
    [ ] I am a morning person.
    [x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
    [ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
    [ ] I am a sports fanatic.
    [x] I twirl my hair
    [ ] I have "x"s in my screen name
    [ ] I love being neat
    [ ] I love Spam
    [] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
    [x] I bake well.
    [ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
    [x] I would wear pajamas to school.
    [ ] I like Martha Stewart.
    [x] I know how to shoot a gun.
    [ ] I am in love with love.
    [ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
    [X] I laugh at my own jokes.
    [ ] I eat fast food weekly.
    [X] I believe in ghosts.
    [ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
    [ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
    [X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
    [X] I am really ticklish.
    [ ] I love white chocolate
    [x] I bite my nails.
    [x] I play video games.
    [x] I'm good at remembering faces.
    [ ] I'm good at remembering names
    [ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
    [ ] I still really like to watch Sesame Street.
    [ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

    [X] My answers are totally honest.

    This took a long time, and it kind of confused me, no idea why, but I feel like in a way it brought part of me I dont like to the surface, but in a way it made me like myself more because now I get to work on what parts I dont like about myself and make them better!!

    Current Mood: confused
    10:56 pm
    Funny Conversation
    Leah:
    I know!! Like OMG
    Jess:
    like OMGWTFBBQ

    This was me and jess talking about a special little girl called "The Wicked Witch of the North" or.. my brothers girlfriend.. lol!! and this is a girl who has NEVER met the loyals lol!!

    Damn that's funny....

    Current Mood: hyper
    Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
    5:19 pm
    GOIN TO MEXICO!!!
    On December the 10th at 7am I will be on a direct flight to Mexico!! OMG I am SO excited!! We booked the flight yesturday.. it was awesome. My mom came to pick me up, and she told me to put my stuff in my car and then step outside of the car. So I did, and then she told me!! I started just SCREAMING!! I was SO excited.. and we leave in 2 days and 14 hours!! Wow.. I am still so mind boggled. We are there for 9 days in Puorta Vallara (I know that isnt right, but for the most part it is spelled right, at a 5 star resort! OMG! I am bringing things back for everyone dont worry!! The day we land it is going to be 30 degrees celcius! 86 degrees farinhieght for my American friends here! that's a 50 degrees celcius change for me! OMG! Well all.. I should go make supper and go pack! Love you all! good-night!!!!!

    Current Mood: crazy
    Current Music: Numa Numa Dance
    Sunday, December 4th, 2005
    1:03 am
    Druie-Kins I Luff you!
    Dru.. we are SUCH freaks..

    Leah: loodie looooooooooo
    THE Dru: COSTCO!
    Leah: I wanna peice
    Leah: you want the lower half, or upper?
    THE Dru: lowers :D
    Leah: hahah!
    Leah: Fine.. think about this.. I get his tounge.
    Leah: *devilish grin*
    THE Dru: so? i get other things to play with :D
    Leah: Hahahhaha!!
    THE Dru: and it doesn't matter .. i get Maxy all to myself :P
    Leah: yeah well screw you Criss is mine
    Leah: ALL mine
    Leah: *burnage*
    THE Dru: .. whatever
    THE Dru: don't want Criss, lol
    Leah: *steals maxie boy's shoe" now you dont get ALL of him...
    Leah: there
    Leah: I win now
    THE Dru: *falls over laughing*
    THE Dru: you are SUCH a FREAK
    Leah: you just realized this? dumbass....

    Current Mood: dorky
    Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
    11:46 pm
    First Entry
    Well... Today was definatly interesting. It was awesome because I went shopping with one of my best friends Biz (her real name is Lizzy, but that's my nickname for her). We did a lot of shopping and had a little fun.

    Got home, found out my lover will most likely be moving far away, another friend got in a fight, and just a bunch of stupid stuff like that.

    Dru told me I need a padded room.. I agree with her personally.

    That's all for now

    Dos Vandanya
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